I Will Guard
by CrackedCataract
Summary: There is a reason why guardians devote their all to the seeress. There is a reason for Noel's actions and Caius' decisions. There is a reason...


_Hello reader, feel free to skip the italicized text if you don't give a shit about author ramblings (believe me I won't take it to heart since I do the same thing)._

_Anywho, this is my first and, most likely, only story. I'm still getting used to uploading documents on this site so please forgive any awkward layout for the time being. When you are reading this story please keep in mind that I in no way consider myself a writer. I am merely a person who played a game and then got an idea that they simply couldn't shake. However, I will do my best to write with a quality that is both passible and acceptable for this site. if you have any suggestions on anything at all, please feel free to message me. _

_As far as the first two chapters you are about to read I would simply like to state that it was written on a caffeine and cheerio binge that took place over the course of one night. It's rough. Very rough. Some of the dialog may seem a tad convoluted and my attempt at writing flashbacks is most likely an utter failure to more adept storytellers. My apologies in advance. _

_Well, that's all for now folks! _

* * *

Chapter 1

It'd been nearly an hour, he had to head back soon before anything had a chance to happen to her. Otherwise his search would have been for nothing. The sun was just beginning to set as he headed east toward his now empty village. Why had he even bothered to search? After all, she was the one who told him 'Caius... He will leave. You won't find him, Noel. He will find you once you leave here as well.'

Yuel was caring in that way. Always breaking the strict rule of 'never trying to alter the future' ever so slightly by telling him what she had seen. He could never let his seeress taint herself by influencing his future actions, though. He would always continue with his first thought and ignore her prophecy completely. He knew that wasn't how the future worked, however he chose to be ignorant so that her desire to help in wouldn't go unfulfilled. He couldn't continue this false ignorance anymore though. He knew Caius was gone, it didn't take a prediction from the seeress to make him realize it.

He awoke that morning and found Yuel sitting alone in front of the shrine to Etro. She sat completely unprotected, solitary, no form of a guard watching her except for the dead eyes that belonged to the manmade statue that simply did nothing but be a statue as she waited. Once he saw her small shape and nothing else that was when Noel knew Caius was gone. Caius had trained Noel, implanted every ounce of knowledge he had earned protecting the seeress unto the young boy since the day Noel was able to hold a weapon without buckling, and the very first lesson was to always protect the seeress even at the cost of ones life. Caius did nothing but. At every moment Caius was there to guard Yuel. The only moments he left her presence was to allow Noel to take his place, but only so Noel could further his training. However, he never ceased his protecting even when it was Noel's shift. Always within her radius and always with caution for her safety. However, as Noel surveyed the area he picked up no sign of the perfected guardian. Noel's trained reflex caused him to immediately begin his rush to her side in an attempt to decrease anymore time for her to have unprotected.

She spoke as soon as he was in earshot. "He's gone, Noel. You won't find him. He is no longer here to guard me. So please, don't go searching for him."

This was Yuel's way of asking for the one and only thing she ever asked for. To be wrong. No seeress questions her fate, her visions, or her destiny. Yuel was no exception. She knew that what she saw would eventually happen no matter how much she didn't want it to sometimes and there was nothing she could do to change the future. So, she instead did her best to prevent anyone from exhausting any futile or pointless effort. However, Noel knew her better. He knew that she only asked for someone not to try because she herself couldn't as well. She was constantly being forced to watch as countless events occurred in front of her with her full awareness that they would come while she was bound by Etro to do nothing.

Noel would never forget the rare times when her cheerful and melancholy demeanor would vanish, leaving the frail girl in brief catatonic state which was caused by the acute anxiety brought on by the knowledge of everyone she knew dying before she'd lived even a quarter of her life. She'd simply be caring about normal routines when it would happen. Such as climbing a tree, scrawling pictures in the barren soil, praying to Etro, or even when she was hard at work threading beads for a new bracelet when all the sudden her eyes would gloss over, the color would drain from her already pale skin and she'd fall to her knees. Within seconds heavy tears would stream down her face, however no sound of sobbing or sorrow ever came from her.

Noel imagined it was like the time he had tried to fend a behemoth off for as long as he possibly could with a single blocking stance. After what seemed like waves of attacks from the monstrosity, constantly beating and wearing against him, his footing was lost. As soon as his stance had given in the feral creature struck him leaving a gaping wound that cut nearly down to, what looked like, the bone of his leg and it hurt even worse than it looked. But because of the fear of being hurt again he found his stance once more, allowing the beast to wale at the block until it had weakened yet again to breaking. Every time he reset his footing the strength of the block was reset and he would forget about the pain the wound was causing him. The pain was not gone though, simply covered up by his instinct and determination to live in order to protect Yuel.

Yuel's cheerful and meloncholy demeanor was her 'block'. The knowledge of humanity, everyone she loved, perishing was her behemoth, and the emotional pain she felt because of it was her gaping, bleeding, and throbbing wound. Every now and again her block would give and the beast would lunge leaving her with a pain that left her traumatized to the point of catatonia. A lesser being would give up. But not Yuel. She always regained her stance to fend off the beast inside her. Noel could only speculate how much harder she was fighting in comparison to his encounter with the behemoth, and for that he would do anything to lessen her pain. Even if that meant trying to accomplish the impossible task of proving a seeress' prediction wrong.

So off he had set in his hopeless search for the vanished guardian, but not before he had led Yuel to the house the three of them, Caius, Yuel, and himself, had claimed as their own sanctuary in their now deserted village. It was a simple 'shack' of a home, made out of stone and it was one of the few things that allowed protection from the starving creatures that roamed the apocalyptic wasteland. He was sure to secure the area before heading out (It was against his better judgment not to barricade the entrance and windows but he didn't want Yuel to feel trapped, even if it was for her own protection). He knew she wasn't some airhead child that would go wondering off on their own if given the chance either, so his guilt over disobeying Caius' first lesson wasnt too intense.

She had sat on the small bed with her clasped hands holding some string and beads above her lap. "Please, don't bother looking... He's gone, Noel. You won't find him." she restated with a lifeless tone that unintentionally warned Noel of what was to come. Her 'block' was weakening. Caius had vanished leaving her with the realization that another part of her end-of-days prophecy had come true and she had lost yet another person she held dear. Noel knew that her plea for him to abandon hope and effort was her way of asking him to 'Please, look for him. He can't be gone, Noel. You have to find him.' so that she would be wrong and her pain would not resurface.

Noel knelt before her, placed one hand atop her clasped ones and the other he brought up to gently touch her cheek, "Yuel, I'm going to try." He did his best to keep his voice as calm as possible. After all, he had to try. It was the only hope he had of helping Yuel block her pain. "Besides," Noel cracked a smile, "it's his turn to cook and I'm not going to let him sneak his way out of it." Yuel's brief grin told him she still hadn't given in and thus washed Noel with relief. "My grandma once told me," He began, "'If you can't do anything but worry then try to find a small worry within the worry. That way you don't take all of your worry at one worry filled time.'" Noel laughed as Yuel blinked while she processed the sentences. "Basically, just worry about experiencing Caius' cooking once I get him back here. Now just hang tight until I get back." And with that he had given her hands a reassuring squeeze and turned to begin his search. Mid pivot however, Yuel had grasped his wrist with one of her cold, dainty hands causing half of her beads to fall and scatter to the floor.

"Noel," Her small, icy grip tightened over his wrist as she spoke with a whisper, "Please... don't be gone for too long."

"I'll be back before nightfall, Yuel." He looked down at the oval faced girl he was sworn to protect in Etro's name. Some of the color had drained from her face as she let go of his wrist. "I promise, I will be back."

And with that Noel had left as Yuel saw the vision of him returning to her. Despite his false ignorance he knew that vision did not include Caius, but at least she had had the promise that she wouldn't be alone just yet.

* * *

Chapter 2

As Noel began his walk back home he thought back to the last time he had seen Caius. What had he said to him during that last encounter? Did he say where he was going? Each step upon the dry, gray, and lifeless ground of Pulse brought back more fragments of his memories that slowly answered his questions.

"What do you mean I have to kill you?" Noel had said in bewilderment as the two guardians were standing outside the small stone shack where Yuel was sleeping safely. "No! That's ridiculous, Caius!"

"You must, Noel." Ciaus had spoken as if this dramatic order were a mere trivial task. "You're skills have grown and you are now ready to take my place as Yuel's guardian."

"Take your place?" Noel pondered any possible answers Caius might use in reply, however none of those potential answers made sense to him. Caius had always stressed how important Yuel was and that protecting her was all that mattered. "I thought keeping Yuel as safe as possible was what being a guardian meant. The way I see it, two guardians is a hell of a lot safer than just one."

"You are correct in theory. My death would normally cut Yuel's protection in half." Ciaus leaned against the shack and gazed up at the night sky. "However, it is only because I possess the Heart of Chaos that I am stronger than you now. You're strength is much greater then how mine was when I was still mortal. You see Etro demands that only the strongest guard the seeress, and once you are given The Heart of Chaos you will be the most powerful guardian yet."

'The most powerful guardian yet'. Noel wasn't able to believe it. Ciaus had never hesitated to demonstrate small fractions of his strength in combat. In fact, he recalled once seeing him eradicate a towering Cei'th that stood taller than the mighty Long Gui with a single strike. So, the fact that that same man was now saying that he, Noel, would surpass him was astonishing. But this idea still did not persuade him to take his comrade's life in the slightest. He knew that killing Ciaus and obtaining incredible power would in no way benefit him in any way that would help cease Yuel's loneliness and pain.

"Caius, don't you get it? Do you know what your death will do to her? Do you even know how much you mean to her? You raised her, protected her, guided her, and cared for her," Noel had been counting each point on his fingers, "and you are one of the two people she knows that are left in this world. You're like a father to her because of all that." Caius did not respond so Noel continued, "She saw everyone die in her visions and then was forced to watch each death actually happen! Don't you know how much it will hurt her if you die too?!"

"No. She has grown strong because of that. She has always known my fate just as she has known everyone else's. My death is something she is prepared for and thus it will leave her even stronger." Noel remembered Caius saying.

"No! She's in pain you idiot! Each death chipped away at her more and more leaving her scared and lonely!" Noel had taken the hand closest to the shack and slammed it against the wall with just enough force to take away the frustrated emotion caused by Caius' ignorance. "But your death will hurt her the most and if I kill you then I'm the one responsible for hurting her. I won't hurt her like that. I could never live with myself if I did..."

A chocobo could be heard far off in the distance as the two guardians now stood silent outside the shack. Caius was silent because there was no reason for the conversation to continue if Noel was not willing to comply and Noel was silent because he was pushing down the thought of Yuel being hurt even more.

The cool night air was beginning it's arrival on Noel's skin and interrupting his thoughts just as dusk made it's last colors of deep orange and blue appear in the sky. He now stood just outside the village. He could see home, where he knew Yuel was patiently waiting for him. He figured she was nearly done with the bracelet she had had in her hand when he left by now. He looked down at his right arm and gently touched the stringed beads that were wrapped tightly around it. Yuel had made it for him several years ago and he hadn't taken it off since. Noel liked to pretend it was his own way of training as a guardian. So long as that band remain tight on his arm without being damaged in any way and was always kept in pristine condition he knew he was doing a good job 'guarding' it. He made sure this was so by always being aware of it. Always feeling its presence. Knowing exactly how far it was away from him when he stretched out his arm. Knowing how close it was to the enemy when he swung his sword in attack. Always making sure it was out of harms way even if that meant harming himself in the process. He figured if he could protect the fragile twine and beads from even the mightiest of creatures then he'd be able to protect fragile Yuel. He also found comfort in the thought of having something related to Yuel with him when he couldn't be by her side. He smiled as he readjusted the beads around his arm and then began the last portion of his walk back home. However, he was still trying desperately to remember anything Caius had said about his own destination during the conversation outside the shack. He knew there had to be something.

Noel thought once again back to the chocobo that had interrupted the silence between Caius and himself. He remembered how he knew exactly which direction it was in and how many meters it was away. All thanks to his fine tuned hunting abilities. He remembered listening closer to make sure the chocobo hadn't drawn any hungry, hostile creatures closer to the village. When none of his senses picked up a threat he slowly leaned back against the shack's outside wall, crossed his arms, and tried to put Caius' most recent demand out of his mind.

Caius spoke first, "Noe-"

"I'm not killing you, Caius." Noel remembered how he had cut him off, not wanting to think about it again. "I want to fight you, not kill you."

Caius then let out a sigh and continued. "What do you think the reason is for your deep feelings towards Yuel?"

Noel was shocked by the question. "W-what?" he replied with jump. What he had asked didn't strike Noel as something Caius would ever bring up. Not only that but it was also something Noel had never questioned and was then caught off guard by the fact that he didn't even have an answer for it.

"You care for her to the point of self-sacrifice, correct?" Caius began his restatement. "But I'm assuming you don't know why it's only her that you care for or even why those feelings are so strong."

"I'm her guardian and her friend." Noel replied.

He remembered how he had thought back during that moment on his life. How his grandmother died when he was still a child. How he had lived and provided by himself for nearly two years. How he stubbornly refused help from the few other members of the village because he thought that if he depended on them he would never learn how to take care of himself and fearing that they too would die, leaving him once again to his own will to survive. For two years he thought of no one but himself in order to keep living. But then, one day after hunting he returned to his now dead grandmother's house to find a tall man wearing all black carrying a massive sword on his back and a girl around 9 years old with deep blue hair, an oval face, and rich green eyes standing in front, simply waiting. He had known instantly that this girl was the seeress thanks to the tales his grandmother told him about Etro. She would always take time to describe how the seeress - no matter what time - looks and would always include the phrase 'she seems as though she has more knowledge than she can bare.' Noel remembered how Yuel had told Caius that he was who Etro had shown her. At that moment Noel wanted nothing more than to go with them. He felt as though he finally knew why he had so much determination to survive and learn to take care of himself. It was so he could then take care of her. He never questioned the spontaneous feelings, he didnt even really care now that Caius had asked.

"It is Etro's gift to the guardian." Caius spoke up. "No matter who the guardian may be Etro grants them an unwavering determination to protect the seeress. The guardian will always care for the seeress in a way that surpasses every other relationship. Mother and child, friends, even lovers are beneath the bond the guardian and the seeress share. The skill of the guardian is based upon how strong that bond is. The stronger the bond, the better the guardian. Any gift Etro bestows upon the universe deserves the best and should be adored and used to its fullest. That is why you must kill me, Noel. I am not worthy to walk beside Yuel for she is one of Etro's most valuable gifts. You're love for her is double that of any other guardian because she is all you have left, much like how you are all she has left."

Noel's mind was racing. He'd simply acted and never questioned, but now he had an answer to a question that he never desired to ask. He could never kill Caius because of his adoration of Yuel and how it would effect her, but yet Caius' death is what Etro demanded. Noel feared these factors were causing one of the infamous paradoxes he had heard of in stories to occur.

"I will save Yuel. I cannot stand by and watch the visions kill her," Caius continued. "The future constantly changes and she is forced to see each change. Each vision shortens her life span drastically. This is Etro's 'gift' to the seeress. Yuel sees both good and bad futures and the bad will always outweigh the good. The Goddess then grants them the gift of 'acute mortality' so they are not forced to endure it for too long." Caius' tone had become filled with disgust. "I will give the seeress' only one future so they can finally live and be free of pain. If you won't kill me then your only purpose is to keep Yuel safe while I am gone."

"Gone?" Noel blinked as he saw Caius head off into the night. "Wait Caius! What could you possibly do?!"

"From Valhalla one can see all. That is how I will know I've accomplished my goal." And then he was gone.

"Valhalla..." Noel repeated the remembered name as he stood outside the door to the shack they called home. "He couldn't possibly be..."


End file.
